KFC Unleashes "Chizza" Upon The U.S., Bringing Fried-Chicken-and-Pizza Abomination to American Menus
The C is for chaos
FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE
KFC UNLEASHES CHIZZA UPON THE U.S., BRINGING FRIED CHICKEN AND PIZZA ABOMINATION TO AMERICAN MENUS
LOUISVILLE, Ky., Feb. 21, 2024 /PRNewswire/ -- Because the world apparently wasn't dysfunctional enough, KFC is thrilled to announce the introduction of Chizza to its menu in the United States. Who needs traditional boundaries between culinary delights when you can just slap some toppings on fried chicken and call it innovation? Starting February 26th, for those brave (or perhaps masochistic) enough to try it, you can indulge in Chizza: a Frankenstein's monster of fast food, comprising two slabs of Extra Crispy™ fried chicken acting as a crust, slathered in marinara sauce, oozing with mozzarella cheese, and decorated with pepperoni. Bon appétit, or whatever.
To herald the arrival of this gastronomic nightmare, KFC will host a "Chizzeria" pop-up in the heart of New York City, because where else would such culinary atrocities be embraced with open arms? The Chizzeria will serve only one thing: Chizza. Why complicate things with choice when you can just torture your taste buds with this monstrosity? Visitors to the Chizzeria will have the distinct privilege of trying Chizza for free, as if the culinary gods are saying, "Here, take it, suffer with the rest of humanity."
Chizza first emerged from the depths of culinary hell in the Philippines in 2015, and like a relentless virus, it has infected countries across the globe, including Korea, Taiwan, India, and Germany. And now, much to the dismay of sensible eaters everywhere, it's infiltrating the U.S. market.
Nick Chavez, CMO of KFC U.S., proudly boasts, "Fried chicken and pizza collaborated to create something even better – the Chizza." Yes, the greatest culinary achievement of our time is bypassing any semblance of nutrition and sanity to slap some cheese and sauce on fried chicken.
For those interested in experiencing the full horror of Chizza, KFC offers the option to indulge in a combo meal, complete with Secret Recipe Fries and a medium drink. After all, if you're going to commit to this dietary sin, you simply must go all the way.
In an attempt to add a touch of authenticity to this spectacle of culinary depravity, KFC has recruited social media creator GrannysOffHerRocker to play the role of an Italian "Nonna" in Chizza ad creative. Nothing screams "authentic Italian cuisine" like fried chicken masquerading as pizza.
But fear not, dear patrons. For along with this abomination, KFC is graciously bringing back Blackberry Lemonade, the finest draught one could wish for when washing down fried chicken pizza with fruity tartness.
So, buckle up, America. Chizza is coming, whether you like it or not.